I have a secret. I’m a closet smoker. I have been for a few years now. But now, I quit. I signed up for the NS Lung Association Quitting Cold Turkey challenge. Today is day 2. This is harder than yesterday. I want to cry. I miss it. And I don’t know why. It was something to look forward to. It was something to do while I am outside watching my chickens peck the ground. I want nothing more than to light one up and take a deep breath. Let’s take a few steps back. I started smoking when I was 13. I tried to hide it for several years but I kept getting caught. I smoked for about 8 years. I never thought about wanting to quit, but there were many times I wish I hadn’t started. I smoked my first while lying in bed, half asleep. My last would be just before drifting off. I only smoked about 10 a day because I had to work and could only smoked on designated break times. And because I couldn’t really afford it. My boyfriend decided he wanted to quit, and I would do it with him. We went to meetings once a week and took Champix. It worked well, and I quit for about 5 years. I know he was smoking occasionally. Cigars and such. But I didn’t want to. I was upset with him. And people doubted I could do it. I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed in me. And I wanted to prove them wrong. So, until I went to Cuba about 4 years ago and went to a cigar factory. And we decided to try them. So I smoked them occasionally. And then 2 years ago I started back full time (and then quit for a couple weeks here and there) smoking cigarillos. So a week ago my husband decided he was going to quit again. We tried getting him a prescription for Champix again, but wait times for a doctor are ridiculous. He’ll go to a pharmacist on Friday. I heard about the QCTC on the radio and figured this would be a great time to sign up. The rules are simple, Nov 8 @ 12pm, no smoking for 30 days, not even a puff, and they’ll give you a turkey for Christmas! I wasn’t sure if I could quit in the middle of the day, so I had my last one on the 7th right before bed. Day 1 was fine. Just had to get past the initial thoughts of lighting up when I get in the car. It’s Day 2, and it sucks. I worked a 12 and ate candy rockets when I got in the car. And an apple at lunch.
Day 3, off today. Off all weekend. Lord help me. I’ll be all alone. I’ve got a parcel to pick up at the store that needs to be signed for, but I don’t think I’m ready to go in without buying a pack of smokes.

Day 7: I’m having a rough day. I just really hate my job right now and I don’t even have a smoke to look forward to. So I’m eating crap. Yes. I already ate the brownie. It’s about 3:00pm. There’s a cage next door to work. It’s bad. I’m also trying to cut back on my sugar intake. I think I’ve failed.

Day 12: want to cry. I’m emotional and I have no outlet. I’ve been trying to exercise, but I usually go for junk food. Especially after meals. Because I want something bad. Yesterday I was stressed. And the day before. Candy wasn’t helping. The only outlet I knew was smoking, but smoking isn’t really crossing my mind much. But my body wanted something. So I drank. Seriously. I went to the liquor store yesterday and bought a bottle of local craft cider. Shipbuilders Cider. It’s delicious. It took me 3 hours to drink it, but that’s fine. I called in sick to work today. I know, shame on me. But I’m exhausted from the weekend. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon. And I want to cry. First time today. But instead, I will go in the shower and when I come out, I will have a glass of wine from the cheap bottle I also bought yesterday.

Jan 12: so far so good. Sometimes I really miss smoking. Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to just have one. Or just a a couple when having a few drinks. Then walk away. But I’m scared I’d just want more. I even have dreams about smoking. I do. But I’m determined.

Feb 16, 2018: No smokes yet. Though I’ve thought about it. I have no interest in those Colts cigars any more. And I’m really not interested in my Talon cigarillos. But sometimes I just wish I could have a cigarette. And I haven’t really smoked cigarettes in 9 years. And who can afford it?! But I’d like to have one. And I’m scared I’d want another one after that. So I haven’t.

A group of us went to the Dominican Republic. My husband and I, another couple, let’s call the Jack and Jill, and a friend of that couple, we’ll call him John. We went to stay at the airport hotel the night before. We stayed up, ate a good meal, had some drinks, and went to bed. We got up the next morning, had breakfast and waited for the airport shuttle. We met John at the airport. We got on the plane, ate some pretzels, got off the plane. Waited for our rooms. Our bell boy was great, showed us our room and everything along the way. Told us all food stations were closed until 6. It was 4. We were starving. E haven’t eaten since 7 am. We met by the pool and explored a little bit. Finally 6 rolled around and we headed straight for the closest buffet. The pork was amazing. Quite tasty food. We had a few drinks, at and chatted. The next day we went to the meetings with our trip advisor and we decided the guys wanted to go on a fishing trip and me and Jill would go see waterfalls. We decided we would sign up on Wednesday. We ate breakfast, toured more of he resort. Ate lunch. Ate supper. Drank. Used the pool. Weren’t allowed in the ocean as it was very rough. That evening We walked off the resort to watch a few minutes of a ball game that was going on across the road. Jack and John wanted to go to town, it o didn’t feel safe to do that after dark. John decided to go alone and we went to bed. Wednesday morning we got up and had breakfast. We assume John wasn’t feeling well from whatever he got up to Tuesday night, because we didn’t see him all day. After breakfast Jill mentioned that she hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom. I suggested she eat something that may bother her a bit to get things moving. She said “nothing bothers me, I’ve got guys like a brick shit house”. Tuesday we had pictures taken with a monkey, and right after breakfast Wednesday we went to pick out our pictures. Jill said she was feeling cold, and sleepy. I was concerned she had heat stroke for the day before, as she spent a lot of time in the pool, where I had made her drink water and get out to put more sunscreen on. After paying doe our pictures we went back to the pool. Jack and Jill’s room was being fumigated so they weren’t allowed in until after 12pm. By this time Jill still wasn’t feeling well and had decided to go back to her room to lay down. That was the last time I saw her until Saturday night. Shortly after Jack, my hubby and I headed to a buffet for a bite to eat. I grabbed one spoonful of what appeared to be a chicken salad. I sat down and took about 2 bites. And then suddenly I felt exhausted. I told my husband I didn’t really feel that well and that I was going to lay down as well. I got up to the room and realized I didn’t have a key. I was literally on the verge of tears because I didn’t think o could make it all the way back to hubby or to the office to tell them o lost my key. Thankfully, hubby appeared with a key, and told me that Jack went to check on Jill. I laid down and tried to have a nap, thinking that’s all I would need. I could not fall asleep. Later that evening, we went to a party and I couldn’t even stand in line to get my own food. I ate a little bit and then went back to the room. I don’t remember much after that, that evening and the next day were kind of a blur. What I do remember is running to the bathroom. Horrible diarrhea. Aches in my abdomen. Sleepy. Laying on the bathroom floor at 2 am yelling for water and diarrhea pills. My husband sneaking muffins and yogurt into the room for me. Buying me plain chips and Gatorade. And telling me Jill went to the pool once and then on her way back she fell because she was so weak. And now Jack wasn’t feeling well. And they watched a lady being carried off the beach because she couldn’t walk. Friday morning I woke up and decided to go to the resort doctor. They took my blood pressure, blood sugar, and temperature. They hooked me up to an IV and said I was dehydrated. The I was told I couldn’t stay there and they called an ambulance. I was shipped to a hospital in Puerta Plata. They fed us well. And kept bringing me pills. I was so upset. I felt like I ruined my husband’s vacation. He slept on the couch beside me. Saturday afternoon they told me I had to wait for GI doctor to clear me, but that is probably be able to go back to the resort. They called us a taxi that cost us $60USD. We got back to the resort around 4:30 on Saturday. We got back to the room, I got cleaned up a bit and changed my clothes. And then we went down for supper. Everyone else was there. We spent the rest of the evening sitting and talking. Sunday, we still weren’t feeling the best so we sat in one spot, all day. Where we could see the ocean but not be too far from our room for when we had to go to the bathroom. Early Monday morning we were headed to the airport to return home. I was very concerned about Jill, she wasn’t well at all. She slept mostly on the plane. I, on the other hand, was taking diarrhea pills, antibiotics, pill for parasites and pills for bacteria. We got home late that evening. Tuesday Jill decided she was going to head to a walk in clinic. She was diagnosed with salmonella poisoning and a “multitude of parasites in her small and large intestines”. And another week off work. What’s the point to my story? Don’t eat the cold cut meats that are sitting under the lights. PS, it was not the resorts fault, or, at least that what they told us. Hubby and John were fine, neither of them ate that meat.

Ive got IBS. And lactose intolerance comes with that for me. I can't eat goat cheese, cheese sauce, milk, ice cream, peanuts, greasy food, whole wheat, etc. It took me a long time to figure what was going on and a long time to know what I could and couldn't eat. I need to take a lactase enzyme in order to eat, or drink, any thing with milk. There are some things I've learned over time. Hard cheese has less lactose than soft cheese. Small amounts of milk are okay. Natrel makes the best tasting lactose free milk. Probio makes a good lactose free yogurt with probiotics (which is good for the gut). Costco carries the best lactase enzyme for the best price.

With all that in mind...I'm tired of it. I don't want to buy the more expensive milk any more. I don't want to be careful any more. I don't want to buy pills any more. I'm going to try to make myself tolerant again. According to what I've read, you should start with 1/2 cup of milk, with a meal, everyday for a week. The next week go for 1/2 cup twice a day, and so on. I'm going to start this after the new year. Has anyone tried this? How did it work for you? Any suggestions welcome!

Me and one of the girls from work decided we wanted to get in shape.  Although I wanted to get in shape earlier, you know, like in the winter.

But she was finally ready so last week to try something.  We went to Fightfit.  After not really exercising for a while, this was absolutely brutal.  Way too much out of the gate.  It was non-stop for an hour.  Started with running, then down on the mat for push ups and mountain climbers.  On with the gloves.  We kicked and we punched each other.  Then bear walks across the gym and jumping.  Running through hoops. Gloves back on, jumping and kicking and punching. Gloves off.  Sit ups, planks, bridges, glute raises.  And that's just a sample.

I thought I was going to throw up 3 times.  Glad I didn't.  Two days later I couldn't even do my job.  Couldn't squat down, couldn't lift my arms over my head.  

I'd like to go back, maybe in the Fall after getting back into shape over the summer.  Maybe.

This week we decided to try kickboxing.  Hour and a half.  Started with running on the spot, then stretching.  The instructor didn't make us do everything the rest of the class did, because we were new.  Kicking and punching.  Medicine ball sit ups. Punching air with weights, 125 reps. (That was hard!)  Stretching it out.  Leg lifts with ankle weights.  Plank and push ups. 

We enjoyed that, but it's a bit pricey.  You have to buy your own gear if you want to join the class, plus the monthly fee.

Next week will try another fitness class.  But right now, I'd just be happy with going for walks.

A friend of mine makes candles, and soaps, and scrubs, and a whole host of other items.  I love her seaweed soap.  She makes it as soon as I ask her to.  I find it very moisturizing and keeps my legs from getting dry and itchy in the winter.  She also makes a great sugar scrub that I use on my face.  And I have a pocket full of her lip balms. I keep one everywhere. 

Check her out on Facebook (She ships!)  Candle-lit Baths

Ok, so we're going to Cuba in March.  That doesn't give me much time to tone these ol' thighs of mine up.  I have no willpower. I can't do diets. Especially since my husband would never follow and I'm sure whatever he would be eating would be far too tempting for me.  

So, here's my game plan:

1.  Drink more water.  This seems obvious, but I know I don't drink enough. I drink a cup of tea in the morning, a cup when I go to work.  A bottle of water that lasts me from 1230 - 530, most days.  I may have another tea in the evening or a glass of juice or milk.  But obviously I need more.  I just need to figure out where to fit it in. Which cup of tea do I cut out?

2.  Plie squats.  I started with 12, then 10 to each side.  Now I'm up to 30 and 15 on each side.  I'll keep trying to increase them until I go.  I can't do regular squats, even though I'd like to. Because they work.  But my knee makes this gross grind noise, and I can feel it.  

​3.  Bridge lifts.  Haven't started these yet.  Because I'm lazy.  I just need to find my motivation.  Which I believe is a pair of shorts I bought that are just a little snug in the thigh area.  

4.  Kickboxing.  There is someone in my town that does kickboxing lessons.  I'm still trying to find more info on them, but what better way to feel better than to get a little fat burning cardio in?

5.  More fruit, less chips.  This one is pretty obvious.

6.  No food after 7 pm.  I read you shouldn't eat 3 hours before you go to bed.  My cut off is 7pm.  That doesn't include eating a meal, but it really helps to stop snacking.  Nothing with any calories. Just water.

​Let's see how this goes.