Normally this isn’t something I’d post, but I can’t think of another way to keep my self accountable. I’m not suggesting you do this. And if you do, please be careful. I also wouldn’t normally post pictures of myself. Because EW. Haha!

So a whole back I decided to try to do a chemical peel on my face. A friend also tried. I don’t remember the brand or strength I used at that time. But I remember it had a dropper, and the chemicals ate it. Recently I bought another one. I have a tattoo on my wrist that I was very unhappy with and wanted to try and fade it so I’d have more options for a cover up. But now, here I am trying it on my face again. I have scars. I have pimples. I have fine lines now appearing. I have sunspots and freckles. I want an even complexion. So this what I have.

Jan 8: After having a shower and washing my face, I applied the peel to my face and neck with a cotton ball. Careful to avoid eyes and lips. Left it on for maybe 2 minutes and then rinsed it off. Be careful while rinsing not to get it in your eyes. And make sure you rinse you hands right away or wear gloves, because your fingers will start to peel.

This is why I don’t take selfies.

Jan 10: Washed face. Applied. Rinsed. Moisturized.

Jan 12: same. Just FYI, all those pimples that were sitting just below the surface, they will start to appear now. Don’t worry. And don’t apply make up to hide them. You’re skin is healing and you don’t want makeup on your now sensitive pores.

Jan 15: Fair warning, this ain’t pretty. And see my chin? I smashed my face. It has nothing to do with the peel 😂 I left it on a little bit longer today, so I didn’t do my neck, as I find it more sensitive than my face.

Jan 16: I did not use the peel today but I wanted to show you what it looks like the day after. It drives me nuts that I can’t put makeup on to cover those spots. This morning when I woke up my skin felt oily. But my skin is always oily and it may have been the moisturizer. But it’s starting to feel tight. So it’s probably starting to dry. Hopefully it doesn’t peel too radically. I’ll wait a few extra days this time before I do it again. I’m wondering if I was really doing anything with the first couple of applications.

Jan 21: Apparently there was a scratch on my face. It hurts! I’m hoping I’ll soon start seeing results. This is my sad face.

Jan 25: You can’t see it, but I can definitely feel some peeling going on. Near my nose and on my chin. And maybe a bit on my forehead. I guess it’ll have to concentrate more on my outer cheeks now. The bottle suggested starting in your forehead and moving outward, but I may do the opposite with the next application. I’m averaging about 4 minutes.

Feb 2: I’m wondering how long I’msupposedyo do this? Should I have bought a higher strength? Other than a couple dry patches, I’m not sure if it’s done anything.

Feb 16: Is there any difference here at all? Am I asking too much? Am I expecting results too quickly? Am I doing something wrong? I don’t know. I waited a bit thinking maybe it would peel a bit more. Nope. So I did another application last night. I know I didn’t buy a drastic peel, but I can’t tell if it looks any different. If I can’t tell, no one else will either.

March 1: Conclusion ​ I give up. I dont think this has done anything for me. It may have hrlped a bit with clogged pores, but i dont think its done much else. Probsbly need a stronger percentage. If you see something i don't, or have any suggestions, pleaee let me know.

I have a secret. I’m a closet smoker. I have been for a few years now. But now, I quit. I signed up for the NS Lung Association Quitting Cold Turkey challenge. Today is day 2. This is harder than yesterday. I want to cry. I miss it. And I don’t know why. It was something to look forward to. It was something to do while I am outside watching my chickens peck the ground. I want nothing more than to light one up and take a deep breath. Let’s take a few steps back. I started smoking when I was 13. I tried to hide it for several years but I kept getting caught. I smoked for about 8 years. I never thought about wanting to quit, but there were many times I wish I hadn’t started. I smoked my first while lying in bed, half asleep. My last would be just before drifting off. I only smoked about 10 a day because I had to work and could only smoked on designated break times. And because I couldn’t really afford it. My boyfriend decided he wanted to quit, and I would do it with him. We went to meetings once a week and took Champix. It worked well, and I quit for about 5 years. I know he was smoking occasionally. Cigars and such. But I didn’t want to. I was upset with him. And people doubted I could do it. I didn’t want anyone to be disappointed in me. And I wanted to prove them wrong. So, until I went to Cuba about 4 years ago and went to a cigar factory. And we decided to try them. So I smoked them occasionally. And then 2 years ago I started back full time (and then quit for a couple weeks here and there) smoking cigarillos. So a week ago my husband decided he was going to quit again. We tried getting him a prescription for Champix again, but wait times for a doctor are ridiculous. He’ll go to a pharmacist on Friday. I heard about the QCTC on the radio and figured this would be a great time to sign up. The rules are simple, Nov 8 @ 12pm, no smoking for 30 days, not even a puff, and they’ll give you a turkey for Christmas! I wasn’t sure if I could quit in the middle of the day, so I had my last one on the 7th right before bed. Day 1 was fine. Just had to get past the initial thoughts of lighting up when I get in the car. It’s Day 2, and it sucks. I worked a 12 and ate candy rockets when I got in the car. And an apple at lunch.
Day 3, off today. Off all weekend. Lord help me. I’ll be all alone. I’ve got a parcel to pick up at the store that needs to be signed for, but I don’t think I’m ready to go in without buying a pack of smokes.

Day 7: I’m having a rough day. I just really hate my job right now and I don’t even have a smoke to look forward to. So I’m eating crap. Yes. I already ate the brownie. It’s about 3:00pm. There’s a cage next door to work. It’s bad. I’m also trying to cut back on my sugar intake. I think I’ve failed.

Day 12: want to cry. I’m emotional and I have no outlet. I’ve been trying to exercise, but I usually go for junk food. Especially after meals. Because I want something bad. Yesterday I was stressed. And the day before. Candy wasn’t helping. The only outlet I knew was smoking, but smoking isn’t really crossing my mind much. But my body wanted something. So I drank. Seriously. I went to the liquor store yesterday and bought a bottle of local craft cider. Shipbuilders Cider. It’s delicious. It took me 3 hours to drink it, but that’s fine. I called in sick to work today. I know, shame on me. But I’m exhausted from the weekend. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon. And I want to cry. First time today. But instead, I will go in the shower and when I come out, I will have a glass of wine from the cheap bottle I also bought yesterday.

Jan 12: so far so good. Sometimes I really miss smoking. Sometimes I wish I had the willpower to just have one. Or just a a couple when having a few drinks. Then walk away. But I’m scared I’d just want more. I even have dreams about smoking. I do. But I’m determined.

Feb 16, 2018: No smokes yet. Though I’ve thought about it. I have no interest in those Colts cigars any more. And I’m really not interested in my Talon cigarillos. But sometimes I just wish I could have a cigarette. And I haven’t really smoked cigarettes in 9 years. And who can afford it?! But I’d like to have one. And I’m scared I’d want another one after that. So I haven’t.